Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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