Just fell off a train. Bad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
