and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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