I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize