Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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