those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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