How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
