A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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