Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
