I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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