He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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