It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
