I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
