i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
