uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
