can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
