I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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