I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I woke up under a house in Key West
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