sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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