once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
