There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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