know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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