He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
