dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
