I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
