apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
