I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
