I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
