oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
