I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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