then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize