And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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