thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
