1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
