I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she peed on how many people?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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