i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
