We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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