Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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