We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
