every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
PANTIES FOUND
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