too bad you live with your parents still
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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