the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Say something about gay babies.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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