i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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