I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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