you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
