Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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