is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
