You can't motorboat a personality
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
