Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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