i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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