went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
