I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
