I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
