Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
