What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
