I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
