I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize