My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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