The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
