I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
