I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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