The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
