Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize