I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
