I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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