And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
