My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
