my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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