Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
