I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
