I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
