OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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