Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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