I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Michael Bay diarrhea
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
