why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I looked at my own cervix.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This baby is an asshole
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Randomize
