Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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