I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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