i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
