Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
