It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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