is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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