he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i now understand why vodka
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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