i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
