Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
