What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
