If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
