i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
