i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
