guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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