Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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