Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
