It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize