You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
