Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize